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Jots

Written By: Zachary Kai » Published: | Updated:

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  • Reading Time: ~1 min (at 238 WPM)
  • Word Count: 6

Here you'll find my 'microblog': 19 snippets too short for a dedicated place on my site, but still worth sharing, for your interest, and for my records. (Ordered reverse chronologically.)

2025

Found this in the depths of my notes. Written several years ago.

dogs teeth encircling his joints

more piercings than facial skin

he shares his name with your favorite weather pattern

like a meteorologist in love you think of him every time the word hits your ears

is this how it is?

going around in circles

the kind of orbit that pulls tides

and leaves salt in the cracks of your palms

you trace the patterns he leaves behind

like constellations you'll never name but always recognize

his laughter is a storm breaking over the horizon

the kind that washes everything clean

he wears his history like a second skin

scars and ink and metal all tangled together

the sky outside is heavy with clouds

you wonder if he's thinking of you too

or if you're just another echo

another ripple in a pond you didn't mean to disturb

is this how it is?

spinning in place while the world moves on

holding onto something that's already gone

poetry personal

I've started notetaking when out-and-about, recording interesting things. Thought I'd share.

  • Café menu printed and formatted to look like an old newspaper issue.
  • Woman wearing a t-shirt 'saying not inspired today, thanks.'
  • Woman wearing a long-sleeve shirt with diagonal triangular sleeve cutouts.
  • Man wearing a yellow t-shirt saying 'positive thinking.'
  • Camouflaged trees.
  • Person wearing a t-shirt saying 'I make my own money so I make mu own rules.'
  • This is the food way.
  • Woman carrying a mountain of apples.

personal observations

Below is a poem I wrote based on the prompt 'here again.' It's called 'The Persistance Of What Never Was' and it's the first time I've written poetry in years, let alone published it.

Energy like blazing sunsets inscribes itself across the tender membrane of memory. Your smile was a constellation of promises he nor you understood how to keep.

Time, that patient architect of longing, was all he needed to fall headlong.

How easily he mistook vertigo for love.

Banished from your mother's arms when you stretched toward adulthood, claiming territory she couldn't surrender...her rejection etched acid patterns in your eyes.

He hated her for that. Still does. Endlessly resurrecting his pain.

The light dimmed in your gaze as days collapsed into weeks, months, years.

As if someone adjusted a dial within you.

Turning down the brightness until shadows pooled in places once illuminated.

Preteens with teeth became your salvation myth.

Those awkward warriors with metal smiles who offered belonging when home became a geography of absence.

You swore this to him between whispers and midnight confessions, while they saved and devoured you.

You. The fool who trusted.

What would you think, now, knowing he became one of them?

The symmetry would wound you.

If that was how the narrative arc completed, this story would end here.

But grief is never so merciful.

He wishes you survived. But wishes alone can't reconstruct molecules scattered beyond retrieval.

Here he stands, succumbing to memory's persistent hauntings.

Your ghost refuses to leave.

It returns in the scent of rain on concrete, in the shade of afternoon light that renders the ordinary mysterious, in the laughter of strangers who sound nothing like you.

You haunt him with relentless grace, the persistent echo that refuses silence, mapping his days with your absence.

Here again, then gone, then here again: the rhythm of loss becoming his pulse.

No matter where he travels, or when he believes the wound has closed, your presence arrives. Uninvited yet essential: blood rushing back to numbed limbs, the painful reminder of continued existence.

When his own ending approaches, your face, frozen in youth's impossible promise, a photograph never taken but developed in the darkroom of remembrance...

Will be what blurs his vision. Not his life unspooling in retrospect.

But you.

Eternal in your incompleteness.

The story that keeps beginning long after its conclusion.

poetry personal

Had the idea for recording things I've learned earlier this month but only just created it! So I learned these ~2 weeks ago. Still worth posting about!

  • In HTML, there are things called 'void' elements, like img because it doesn't have a closing tag. Another example is hr which creates horizontal lines. Source
  • Hippos are closely related to whales! And they don't have necks! Source

learning personal

This is my entry for the February 2025 Indieweb Blog Carnival, hosted by Joe Crawford. The theme is: affirmations. If you have a site, why not also participate?

While much gets written about affirmations and their positive benefits... It's never made it passed my intense skepticism. Why should I repeat to myself things which might not be true?

I always thought they had more impact if they came from others, but depending on the outside world to receive them... It's out of your hands. Writing and reciting your own is a way of taking back control. Besides, isn't it akin to a gratitude list or journal?

Call it trite, overly positive, unrealistic, or strange...

At its heart, it's just one of a thousand ways of cultivating joy.

indieweb personal

2024

A few weeks ago, I learned a new skill: button making! Thanks to the lovely volunteers at Sticky Institute which is a zine shop in Melbourne, Australia. Really happy with how they turned out!

A work in progress photo showing hand-drawn circular designs for pin buttons alongside blank metal pin components. The drawings include a green and blue Earth-like design, a blue geometric zigzag pattern, a purple and blue swirling design, and a lime green pattern with wavy lines and dots. Several silver-colored metal pin backs and clear plastic covers are visible on the right side of the white paper. The finished pin buttons displayed on a wooden surface with visible grain. Eight buttons are arranged in a circular pattern, showing colorful hand-drawn designs: an Earth-like pattern in green and blue, geometric patterns in blue and green, spiral designs in light blue dots, swirling patterns in purple and blue, and various abstract designs combining zigzags, waves, and geometric shapes. The buttons appear to be about an inch in diameter and have a glossy finish from the protective covers.

crafts personal

Tags: personal · indieweb

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I'm so glad! If you feel moved to support me in making things, I'd most appreciate it!

Zachary Kai's digital drawing: 5 stacked books (blue/teal/green/purple, black spine designs), green plant behind top book, purple heart on either side.

Zachary Kaihe/him |

Zachary Kai is a space fantasy writer, offbeat queer, traveler, zinester, and avowed generalist. The internet is his livelihood and lifeline.